Embracing Parenthood: Miscarriage

From the excitement of expanding your family to the challenges of juggling multiple little ones, becoming a second-time parent is an incredible journey. With each child comes unique joys and obstacles, and as you embark on this new chapter, it's important to feel prepared and supported. This blog is here to guide you through the journey of being a second-time parent, with a particular focus on essential products and tips that can make your life easier.

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Our first child was a spontaneous preterm birth at 29 weeks and 1 day. Preterm birth, also known as premature birth, is when a baby is born before 37 weeks of gestation. It can carry risks and complications for both the baby and the mother. Medical interventions, support from healthcare professionals, and proper prenatal care can help manage and improve outcomes for preterm births. We were lucky with no medical complications, just a little baby that needed extra love and time to grow. Fast forward four years, and we being the discussion around whether or not to try again.

Having two kids can be a joyful and enriching experience, but it also comes with unique challenges. Balancing the needs of both children, managing time and resources, fostering sibling relationships, and seeking support from your community are key factors in navigating the journey of parenting two children. We were also nervous and concerned about another NICU stay, and having that NICU stay with an older sibling. Making sure we could spend time with both children, and making sure the oldest does not feel left out. Finally, we decided to take the plunge.

I was feeling great. No morning sickness. No tiredness. Then came the 8 week appointment. No heartbeat, either. My OB said we would give it another week, sometimes the timing can be off a little, and maybe it was too early to detect a heartbeat. A week went by, and there was a repeat ultrasound, which showed a little blip, still measuring 6 weeks, 5 days, and no heartbeat. Blood tests showed my hCG had begun to drop. We had the impossible conversation about next steps, and I decided to give my body the additional time to realize this pregnancy was over. Within the next few days, the bleeding and cramping started and dreams came crashing down.

I mourned that little peanut, and thought about what that now meant for our future. Nothing prepared me for the actual miscarriage itself. Probably, because no one really shares that part of the experience, if they share at all. I had excessive bleeding, enough, that in hindsight, I should have gone to the hospital. But my husband was working night shift, and the weather was bad and I was home with the then 4 year-old. I was determined to tough it out. I isolated myself and suffered, bleeding all over the bathroom floor, while my other child slept in our bed.

My miscarriage was a devastating experience, that triggered feelings of grief, guilt, and sadness. While it is a common occurrence, each person's journey is unique. It is crucial to acknowledge and validate the range of emotions you may be experiencing. Excessive bleeding is one of the concerning aspects of miscarrying at home. It's important to be aware of the signs and seek medical help if needed. Heavy bleeding, soaking more than one pad per hour, passing large clots, or experiencing severe cramps are indicators of excessive bleeding. Contacting your healthcare provider is vital in such cases to ensure your well-being.

When miscarrying at home, reaching out to your healthcare provider is crucial to receive guidance and support. They can help you understand your options, provide necessary medication to manage pain or bleeding, and offer emotional support during the process. Regular check-ins and follow-up appointments can assist in monitoring your physical and emotional recovery. Dealing with a miscarriage requires the utmost self-care and compassion. Take time to grieve, allowing yourself to process the emotions and seek support from loved ones or support groups. Engaging in activities that promote healing, such as journaling, exercising, meditating, or seeking therapy, can aid in the healing process.

I received my RhoGAM shot the day after the miscarriage was complete, and had a follow up appointment the next week. My OB went through the typical questions.

Then he pulled his chair a little closer, put his hand on my leg and asked, "Now, how is your heart?"

Miscarriage can feel isolating, but connecting with others who have shared a similar experience can provide solace and comfort. Online forums, support groups, or counseling services specializing in miscarriage can offer a safe space for sharing feelings, stories, and finding solace in shared experiences. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Comment below, send a message, find a forum. Don't wait.

Here are some things that helped me during this time:

Earth Mama Healing Hearts Comfort Gift Set - Found on Amazon.com

• COMFORTING GIFT SET FOR GRIEVING MOMS - This 5-piece set is designed to offer peace and comfort to grieving mothers who have suffered pregnancy or infant loss. Each organic tea has been selected to support your body’s healing while your heart is mending.

• It's a little pricey, but I enjoyed the small comfort it brought

The Worst Girl Gang Ever: The ultimate guide to recovery after miscarriage and baby loss with guidance from experts in mindfulness, grief, therapy and relationships.

• A practical and emotional self-help guide for anyone affected by miscarriage and pregnancy loss, from the co-hosts of the successful podcast, The Worst Girl Gang Ever.

• Following pregnancy loss, it can feel like you’ve forgotten how to speak and need to learn a new language. You can tell your story to a room full of people but if no-one speaks this new language, they won’t understand. They will try but ultimately, they won’t fully grasp what you are saying.

• This is us. This is our new language. It is a language built from pain, and it is a language we need to teach others. Welcome to our gang.

And that's why they are called rainbow babies; because the storm is dark and terrible. It is lonely and unpredictable. It brings a rainbow.